Christy The Writer

Confidential to the person I saw flinching and cringing his way down the Garden State Parkway yesterday, who also had an Oklahoma license plate that said “NO FEAR”: Really? Still?

Confidential to the mass media: The swine flu thing? Give it a rest already. You’re embarrassing yourselves.  

Confidential to the creepy guy talking to himself while I was the only other person in the elevator tonight: Ew.  

Confidential to my Jewish friends: L’shona tova! Love, The Shiksa

Confidential to Wendi Aarons: I found this picture of our boy Jay “Thunder Island” Ferguson.   Fight you for him.

Confidential to the guy who almost ran me off the Garden State Parkway this morning because he had his rear view mirror tilted down so he could more easily watch himself shaving: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!

Confidential to people who make TV commercials: Stop showing me crap under a microscope. If I was supposed to actually look at that stuff, it would be big enough to see.

Confidential to Estelle Getty: Thank you for all the laughs. Sophia will never die.

Confidential to every woman who told me she didn’t bother to vote yesterday: Our sisters went through WAY TOO MUCH for you not to vote. I don’t care what your reason was. Next time, get your ass out there and vote. That is all.

Confidential to President Bush: Every time I hear you speak, I am reminded of Amy Tan’s immortal words to Lisa Simpson: I can’t believe how wrong you got it. Just sit down. I’m embarrassed for both of us.