Christy The Writer

Jackie forwarded me something she found on the Web – a list of five secrets you should keep from your significant other. She couldn’t believe there were only five. I disagreed more with the content itself. One of them said you should never admit that you’re attracted to a co-worker – instead you should pretend all [...]

Me: “Would you put the-” Guy (from the other room): “Yeah.” And yes, he was right.

Me: “I’m worried my hands are starting to look old. Don’t you ever worry that anything of yours is looking old?” Guy: “Just my wife.”

My new sundress dyed all of Guy’s underwear yellow in the wash. A lovely, soothing yellow.

I reached the apex of laziness last night when I called Guy and said, “I”m too tired to make that Hamburger Helper. Just bring home a pizza, okay?”

The husband comes back from his business trip tonight. I guess it’s just as well. When he’s gone I find myself having full-blown conversations with the cat. Plus when he’s home I actually cook dinner instead of just serving, you know, gin.

Me: “I really want you to fix the hinge on this cabinet.” Guy: “Yeah, I need to get that taken care of.” Me: “You’ve been saying that for weeks. What happens when I finally fix it myself?” Guy: “Then I won’t have to do it.”

Me: “I’m leaving for my bikram yoga class.” Guy: “What’s bikram yoga?” Me: “It’s regular yoga, but it’s done in a room heated to 105 degrees. Forty percent humidity.” Guy: “Tell you what. I’ll take out a big life insurance policy, then go with you. You’ll be rich.”

Me: “I hate it when they send contestants home on these reality shows. I feel bad for them.” Guy: “Well, they’re not going to make a show called ‘Everyone Wins! Big Group Hug!’ just for you.”

Guy and I were in the car this afternoon, and the scene was the usual: he was driving, I was messing with my iPod. Guy: “What is this?” Me: “Are you kidding? That’s Julie Andrews singing ‘I Have Dreamed’ from The King and I!” Guy: “Good God. It’s like we’re listening to GEEK-100 and you’re [...]