Christy The Writer

Our neighbor, Mike, is an Italian immigrant with a chubby-cheeked smile so big it makes his eyes disappear. I passed him as he was working in his garden the other day. He looked up at me and said excitedly, “Ima plant tomatoes!” Ooooh! The line to squeeze Mike forms behind me.

Speaking of gardening, the Kansas farm girl in me collided with the New Jersey city girl I’ve become as I was working in my flower bed earlier. I accidentally dislodged an earth worm with my trowel before gently relocating him to a safer spot … and calling him “dude.”

There are three things that stimulate the writer in me to no end: bad love affairs with the wrong men, double jeopardy, and the witness protection program. And what do I know about double jeopardy and the witness protection program?

Have you voted for me yet? Just click here and register, then vote. Very simple. You don’t want to see me beg. Trust me.

Doug and I went to McDonald’s yesterday for lunch (he knows how to show a girl a good time, that guy) and right below the menu board was a sign that said “Look! Mira!” Although I explained that the sign just said “Look” in English, then in Spanish, he wanted to take a picture of [...]

I was running up and down the bleacher steps at the track this afternoon when I suddenly saw a man sitting under the press box. Just sitting there, stock still, staring off into space. Scared the crap out of me. I was all, oh thanks. Because THAT’S not going to rise up in my psyche later [...]

I gotta tell you… I do NOT get this whole “metrosexual” thing. Men waxing their backs? Their chests? Shaving their heads? Ya’ll are going to have less body hair than we do soon. I say viva la hairy beast!

The worst thing about spring in New Jersey is trying to have my car windows down while I’m driving home from work. Everyone around me has their windows down too, and they’re all up in my face with their loud music and all that freaking BASS, which I hate. But man, I don’t back down. [...]

When I was in my early 20s and working at my first real job, every trip to the ladies’ room was an opportunity to freshen my makeup and brush my hair. Now I just pee, check my front for visible food stains and call it a day.

I noticed something interesting today about Doug, whose office is right next to mine. When someone is standing outside his door talking to him, he says they are “having an impromptu hallway meeting.” When someone is standing outside my door talking to me, he says they are “screaming at the top of their lungs.” I [...]