Christy The Writer

The worst part of running outside in the summer is, without question, the Cheerleader Gnats. You know the ones I mean … they cluster together and serve no real purpose and when you realize you’ve just encountered a group of them, you wave your hands frantically and get away as fast as you can.

I saw in the news that Paul Anka is getting married to his personal trainer/girlfriend, Anna Yeager. Hey, I’m fully supportive of anyone who wants to nail Paul Anka, but Anna, honey …  I hope you’re going to hyphenate that last name. Anna Anka sounds like a stutter. Or something you’re going to need a prescription cream to [...]

The “Are You a Child of the 80s?” Question of the Day: Do you consider yourself bilingual because you know how to say “99″ “red” and “balloons” in German?

A Guide to Running Errands in North Jersey: 1. Buy scratch-off lottery ticket from nearest store to see if you can win enough to put gas in your car. 2. Lose. Swear softly and throw ticket away. 3. Drive 200 feet and get stuck in traffic. Turn on iPod and determine not to lose your cool. [...]

During a meeting at work today, I was told we have to start “breaking down the paradigm.” OH COME ON. Just last week I was supposed to shift the paradigm, and now I have to break it down? And what about the fact that I’ve never even figured out what the hell a paradigm even is?

I’m going to a graduation party for Keeli’s son tomorrow night. I can’t wait to meet this ex-husband of hers I’ve heard so much about. I asked Keeli how I’d know which one he was, and she said, “Just put a jar of paste on the table – he’ll be the one who eats it.”

Jackie’s baby is here! This is Marianne – she was born Sunday night. Sunday afternoon, Jackie and Adam took Peanut to the emergency vet because he was having trouble breathing, and in the midst of that, they had a car accident which sent Jackie into labor. As she put it to me the next morning, “Now [...]

If you’re reading this, chances are you like my writing. And if you like my writing, chances are you will want to vote for me in the Bloggers Choice Awards. I know you will. I can feel it. So click on the icon on the right side of this page, register and vote. I’m running [...]

Jackie, who calls me “Hippie” so often I suspect she’s forgotten my actual name, bought this onesie for her baby to wear in my honor:  Awww! Now when I have a baby I’ll have to dress her in a onesie that says “Lil Plastic Utensil Waster” in honor of Jackie!

Television announcer: “Will this be Kathy Griffin’s year to get off the D List?” Guy: “I hope this is Kathy Griffin’s year to get off TV.”