Christy The Writer

Someone asked me the other day if I ever see my ex-husband anymore. I found it an odd question but I answered her very honestly: I haven’t spoken to him since I learned he has a tragic, debilitating disease known as He’s A Giant Idiot.

Ah, New Jersey! Where cannoli can be used as a weapon and pizza grows wild in the parking lot.

Do you know what the definition of “trust” is? It’s the blind ability by the people in my office to eat absolutely anything that’s left in the break room. No one asks who brought the brownies. No one traces the cheese platter back to its original source. They just plow right in. It’s like the [...]

Is it my imagination or is the quality of Web ads getting worse? Take this one, for example:   Either this cream is supposed to deep-set those wrinkles, wash you out and give you fifth-grader-with-a-new-curling-iron bangs, or they should have considered reversing the order of these two shots.        

I think I should have been a cop. I really love it when people have to do what I say.  

It turns out there IS something more annoying than being stuck on the phone forever with an IT guy who is fixing your computer: being stuck on the phone forever with an IT guy who is fixing your computer and simultaneously battling either a major head cold or a serious cocaine addiction.  

A snapshot to accompany my next Character Sketch. Writing it now … stay tuned.  

I knew two minutes after I left the house today that it was going to be an Arcade Game Day. Remember those games where you’d sit behind a wheel and “drive” while other drivers would cut you off or a tree would fall on the road or an old lady would cross in front of you or someone [...]

That is, unless you try the old more-than-one-coupon trick. Then Fun Times are McOver.    

I can’t get my head around the bad things that teenagers today do – steal huge sums of money, drive their BMWs really drunk and smash them up, kill their parents? WTF? You know what we did to rebel? We listened to Ratt. The really bad kids listened to Ratt too loud.