Christy The Writer

A friend told me the other day that she’s always been so impressed by how I really seem to have it together. I instantly flashed back to the previous night, when I was alone in my kitchen, dancing and singing “Bungle in the Jungle” into a spoonful of marshmallow fluff and I thought, “Why yes, [...]

Guy and I were in Manhattan yesterday for a much-needed run to get fresh produce in Chinatown, bagels on the Lower East Side, a peanut butter and jelly doughnut at the Doughnut Plant (don’t you judge me), and as always, stopped at The Pickle Guys. As we were being waited on, a woman in line [...]

Spotted on stroll this afternoon through Manhattan, where the cops like nothing more than writing parking tickets: This is what’s called balls.

I just saw a headline that said someone is “breaking his silence.” I think it would be so cool to break my silence about something.

I was balancing my checkbook this morning and I noticed a disturbing trend in my check register. Please note the following payees from last month: Boston Market ShopRite Supermarket Panera Bread Trader Joe’s Mark Twain Diner Bottle Crown Liquors Pizza Hut ShopRite Supermarket Boston Market Huck Finn Diner Boston Market Dunkin Donuts ShopRite Supermarket Trader [...]

Confidential to the mass media: The swine flu thing? Give it a rest already. You’re embarrassing yourselves.  

From the Keeping Standards Low Department, I just saw a carpenter’s truck that had “We Show Up!” lettered on the window.  

I talk to myself constantly. Fortunately, I have long hair so everyone assumes I’m using a wireless earpiece. Uh, yeah… I’m… on the phone… right…  

The level of dickishness in New Jersey reached an all-time high with the repo man’s tow truck I just saw. It was lettered on the back with “We put people back on their feet!”  

There are certain phrases that meant nothing to me before I turned 40, like “chronic pain,” “not tonight” and “wait, I have a coupon!”