Christy The Writer

As a writer, there are few things I hate more than tired cliches. So of course I’ve resigned myself to the fact that someday, that’s exactly how I’m going to die. I’ll be hit by a bus, I’ll be run over by a Mack truck, I’ll be squashed like a bug, I’ll be road pizza, I’ll hit the [...]

You’ll be glad to know that while I’ve graduated from college, I am still working with Dr. Dan on his upcoming book, so there will continue to be an incoming stream of Dr. Dan-isms. For example, the other day we were in my car and he was looking at my iPod, shuffling through various songs. [...]

I’ve lost my iPod yet again. You’d think just once I could misplace something cheaper, like a pen or a lipstick or my car.

Me: “I don’t know why I’m talking so much this morning. Some days I’m not like this.” Guy: “Yeah? What days would those be?”  

Doug had a couple of spots on his otherwise clean shirt the other day and I suggested he could easily just dabble those right out with water. When he emerged from the men’s room, I thought I was being positive when I said now it just looked like he was lactating.  

Okay, so they nailed a bunch of corrupt people in New Jersey. Hang on while I find my shocked face. Of course, that still leaves many more issues that need to be addressed. Here’s just a random sampling of those: Traffic? Anyone? Just now on the Garden State Parkway a man in a Lincoln Navigator [...]

I want to know what genius thought it would be a good idea to put such a hard-to-open top on Midol.

I’ve started carrying a long stick with a nail in the end of it when I go for my morning run. I’ve seen other people do it, but mine just seems to make everyone uncomfortable. I don’t get it. It’s for jabbing people, right?  

I threw on old jeans and a baseball cap this morning to run a few errands. Later I caught a glimpse of someone reflected in a window and thought “Wow, that man is skinny.” Of course, that’s when I realized it was my own reflection. I’m still not sure if I’m pissed or not.  

Does anyone actually read Terms and Conditions? God only knows what I’ve agreed to over the years. Yeah, yeah, check, check, check.