Christy The Writer

Me: “I’m leaving for my bikram yoga class.” Guy: “What’s bikram yoga?” Me: “It’s regular yoga, but it’s done in a room heated to 105 degrees. Forty percent humidity.” Guy: “Tell you what. I’ll take out a big life insurance policy, then go with you. You’ll be rich.”

Poor Harry has been diagnosed with a nasty case of ear mites. The vet gave me some ointment to put in his ears, which of course he hates and fights me on, so it ends up all over his head. Now he looks like an extra in a 1950s sock hop movie.

I’ve started to notice there are certain phrases that just set my teeth on edge immediately, like “item is backordered,” “past due balance,” and “Oprah Winfrey presents.”

Coming home from Keeli’s baby shower late last night, I pulled into the driveway and opened my car door to see a dog sitting there looking at me.  I patted him on the head and called him a good puppy before it occurred to me: we don’t have a dog. But it was late and [...]

I was three days into my stay in Great Britain when I decided to venture out of the safety of Birmingham, which had quickly become as wonderfully familiar to me as if I’d lived there for years. Directions, supplied by the attractive bell captain at my hotel (yes, it’s important that I mention he was [...]

I wonder why “douche” became the put-down of choice for those with limited command of the English language. If you really insist on staying within the realm of internal cleansers, wouldn’t “enema” be a bigger insult?

I was just carrying the recycling out to the curb when I saw two teenage girls coming down the sidewalk and I did something I haven’t done since I was a teenage girl: I waited inside the door to avoid them. I was hiding. From teenagers. But they were young and expensively dressed. I’m 40 [...]

I met up with my friend Jessica in New York City for dinner this week. Jessica is a born New Yorker, in every sense of the word, but has lived in Los Angeles for many years. She’s a writer, an actress (I promise you’ve seen some of her commercials), a stand-up comedian and one of [...]

Me: “I hate it when they send contestants home on these reality shows. I feel bad for them.” Guy: “Well, they’re not going to make a show called ‘Everyone Wins! Big Group Hug!’ just for you.”