Christy Writes: When Bath Bombs Explode

Posted by on Aug 3, 2017 in Christy Writes | 0 comments

Christy Writes: When Bath Bombs Explode

Here’s a fun summertime DIY project that you can do right at the comfort of your kitchen table. Especially if you don’t care about your table. Or your clothing. Or your blood pressure. Or anything else in your life.

  • Decide you want to make your own bath bombs at home. This is a great way to save money, know exactly what you’re putting on your skin, and put less packaging into the garbage. Think about how much the hippie girls who came before you would admire you. Get out the bath bomb kit your husband brought you before he wisely left the house and drove far away. Look how pretty those bath bombs are in that picture.

  • Notice that the instructions call for way more bowls than you actually own. That’s fine, you can improvise. You’re a hippie now. A free spirit. A rebel. Go find three mismatched cereal bowls, a salad bowl, a container that once held KFC mashed potatoes, and a Parmesan cheese shaker can that is empty yet somehow still in the refrigerator. Perhaps your husband is just being a free spirit as well. Decide to cut him some slack.

 

  • Follow the instructions exactly. First, it says to divide the citric acid between six of the bowls. Since you are committed to doing this right, pour it into a measuring cup, then attempt to do a calculation to figure out how much should go into each bowl. Then remember that the maths, you do not like them.

  • Decide it’s okay to just eyeball how much goes into each bowl. Free spirits don’t need math.

 

  • Put all of the sodium bicarbonate and corn starch blend into a mixing bowl.

  • Now it’s time to add the fragrance which is, incidentally, “Sweet Margarita.” Notice how amazing it smells. Think about making a real margarita. Remember that it’s 9:30 in the morning. Wonder if that matters. Decide it probably does.

 

  • Add the fragrance to the bowl and stir it up. Get a little on the table. Decide you aren’t going to mind. The old you would mind. The new hippie you finds a bit of a mess an artistic expression. Get a little more on the table, like it’s for good luck.

 

  • Divide the newly scented cornstarch mixture into yet six more bowls. How many bowls does this company think the average person has in their kitchen?!

 

  • Add the color to the cornstarch mixture. Try stirring it in with a fork. Get a lot more on the table. Start to mind. Give up and mix it with your hands.
  • Fall in love hard with the pink color. It is your favorite of the bunch and will match your bathroom. Gorgeous.

 

  • Continue following the instructions exactly and add a bit of water to each bowl. The mixture should be the consistency of “damp sand,” the instructions say, about the way you’d want it if you were going to make a snowball out of it. Question why they are making references to summer and winter in the same sentence. Then begin to question everything, including their statement that you will only need about a teaspoon of water in each bowl.

 

  • Damp sand? Is that a little vague or is it just you? Attempt to make a tiny snowball. It works, but it still seems like it might be too dry. Add more water. Add still more water. Then a little more. Now THAT is a good packing consistency. Look at you, so much smarter than those dim bulbs who made this kit. Damp sand snowballs THIS.

 

  • Now the instructions say to add the citric acid to each bowl of color. Pick up one of the bowls of citric acid and dump in into the bowl of pink color.

 

  • Realize you used way too much water when you add the citric acid and this happens:

  • Decide you didn’t like the pink anyway. Carry the bowl over the sink, while sizzly pink blobs drop to the kitchen floor like some kind of psychedelic re-enactment of Hansel and Gretel.

 

  • This time put much less citric acid into each bowl, thereby avoiding the whole bubbling-over situation again.

 

  • Per the instructions, pack the remaining colors into the molds. Notice that the stuff is still too wet. Wonder who you can sue.

 

  • Dump all the colors into one bowl and mix them before attempting to pack the molds again. Decide they’re pretty – they look like little Earths. And you are, after all, an Earth Mother now, saving the planet.

  • Try not to mind that your kitchen table now looks like this:

  • Put the finished bath bombs aside to dry for a bit. Come back later to check on them. Marvel at their perfection.

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